eilidh has grown into an amazing little girl: cheeky, headstrong, comical, independent. SMA has not robbed her of her spirit, her personality, her essence. SMA has robbed her of her ability to move independently but not her independence. SMA contributes to this gorgeous girl every day - it makes her who she is, spreading joy and hope beyond everything i could have hoped for her. and yet my heart remains bruised and tender (but no longer fractured) and i have come to realise that i don't think that that will change; nor do i think that I want it to change because i have grown as a person. i am stronger and more gallus and a wonderful advocate for my daughter, for my family, for SMA; SMA makes me who i am, too. please do not think that i am a saint though, that i truly accept this twist of fate, the life unexpected now lived. i still have moments of anger , of disbelief, of sadness as deep and wide as the ocean but life goes on and life is bright and good for eilidh and niamh are my guiding lights.
Nearly three years ago I lost all hope but put my faith in people for people help people, don't they? And then more recently I heard this song - from the closing credits of Broadchurch - and thought a moment: no one truly knows what goes on within our hearts and our lives but we are all waiting to be saved by someone, by the people, for people help people like me and like you. We just need to have faith and show kindness to our fellow people.
"People Help The People"
God knows what is hiding in those weak and drunken hearts Guess he kissed the girls and made them cry Those Hard-faced Queens of misadventure God knows what is hiding in those weak and sunken lives Fiery thrones of muted angels Giving love but getting nothing back
People help the people And if you're homesick, give me your hand and I'll hold it People help the people And nothing will drag you down Oh and if I had a brain, Oh and if I had a brain I'd be cold as a stone and rich as the fool That turned all those good hearts away
God knows what is hiding in this world of little consequence Behind the tears, inside the lies A thousand slowly dying sunsets God knows what is hiding in those weak and drunken hearts Guess the loneliness came knocking No one needs to be alone, oh singin'
People help the people And if you're homesick, give me your hand and I'll hold it People help the people Nothing will drag you down Oh and if I had a brain, Oh and if I had a brain I'd be cold as a stone and rich as the fool That turned, all those good hearts away
People help the people And if you're homesick, give me your hand and I'll hold it People help the people Nothing will drag you down Oh and if I had a brain, Oh and if I had a brain I'd be cold as a stone and rich as the fool That turned all those good hearts away"
A bucket list of sights to see and places to visit, things to do, goals to achieve, people to meet, differences to make: a life to make count.
one day a simple wall was painted black: a girl lost someone she loved very much, and lost her way and her perspective on life, but slowly she came to realise that she wasn't alone, that life mattered.
"before I die I want to..." has travelled the world, far and wide and this week, to celebrate Dying Matters awareness week, the wall came to Glasgow and Edinburgh.
"before I die wall I want to..." starts conversations because dying does matter; death is part of nature and the circle of life - it is inevitable.
Today, in a death-denying death-defying culture, we have ventured far from the reality of death, avoiding difficult conversations; conversations that should be shared, to prepare, to say goodbye, to allow closure.
"Before I die I want to... " has made me stop and think... I wonder "what would I want to do before I die?". I wonder what is truly important to me...
Before I die I want to... cherish my family and friends Before I die I want to... speak the truth Before I die I want to... grow in faith Before I die I want to... be more grateful Before I die I want to... live my life
Before I die I want to... walk forever along my favourite beach Before I die I want to... eat ice cream in the parlour Before I die I want to... float once more in the blue lagoon Before I die I want to... return to the land of the long white cloud Before I die I want to... show my children the beautiful world we live in
Before I die I want to... make a difference... somehow
eilidh running to get to the van, to load up for nursery, to start her day in earnest... 1, 2, 3, 4, she counts 5, 6, 7, 8... BLAST OFF!!
and she runs and runs and runs and gets so out of breath that she huffs and puffs, and huffs and puffs, as if she has just run the longest,most important race of her life.
Proud of herself she smiles a HUGE wide smile because she won! SHE WON! And I smile too, secretly thanking Snappie for carrying eilidh while she runs
free and
independent,
and feeling
totally blessed
by the joy
she exudes
every waking moment I spend with her.