My Gentle Slumber

Sleep, or the lack of,  features frequently:
here and here and here and here
and on Saturday night
and last night too...

A memo on my phone
19th august
03:03

"I want to run
and hide
and sleep.
I want to hide
in the
peaceful,
gentle
slumber of the night
but it
alludes me
and I am
scared that,
sacred and precious
and necessary as it is,
slumber
ebbs and wanes and slips away,
gently with the night,
leaving me
sleepless
and
alone,
and scared that
I cannot cope without her."

I am left alone with my thoughts and instead of hiding from them in my gentle slumber, they circle round and round and round in my head: questioning me; giving me space to worry about the present and the future (but never the past); making me doubt myself, my choices, my decisions.

Some may find solace in alcohol or drugs or food or exercise, I find it in the hours of night while my brains stills and sleeps.  I need to find that peace.  I need to find my gentle slumber.  I need to sleep.